Livin Da Life - Past Tense

27.9.08

Status :

1. Social Psych Essay - untouched
2. Criminal Psych Essay - not started
3. Organizational Behavior Exam - haven't started
4. Finish Dawn of War =) - working on it!
5. Do some blog upgrades -will do soon
6. Get rested!!!
7. Floriade
8. Nara Festival
9. Tamy's coming - Thursday
10. A few birthday's to celebrate. - hehe. secret!

Wohoo!! what a busy day! Just what the doctor ordered.

12 pm - wake up. Lunch

2 pm - Went off to Floriade with Yoshi, Don, and Natalie. We walked there, reaching about umm 3. cos we got a bit lost on the way.

Floriade was so boring. I don't know anyone who would hang out there except family with children. I wouldn't go there again. Unless there was free food. which there wasn't.

<----- This was the first patch of flowers i saw when i went there. disappointed.

But some patches looked nice though. At least this year they had more than tulips. Click on the pics for a bigger version.

Hello, whats this? It's a garden gnome! One solitary gnome!

Heres some gnomes.

I think they're damn scary la. In malaysia you would call them hantu or something but here in aussie noooo its CUTE! Omgoodness imagine a whole horde of them invading your home.

Can you see the Phua Chu Kang gnome in picture? Hint* he's between Mickey gnome and apan gnome. Most countries sent a gnome for the festival. And. typical of Malaysia, they forgot to show up.

Me being a gnome:

Now. Being a typical guy, my camera was more interesting than the flowers. Time for a lesson! My camera has a hidden manual function which allows me to choose the focus point of my photos.

<---This is a near focus point.

...and a medium focus point. Note you can see the daisies just below the tulips clearly, but not the ones near us or the tulips themselves.

And this is a far focus point. Now the tulips are sharp.

Some other stuff i saw was : a stupid side show, spring duck chicks, and cute toddlers.

AND OMG I SAW STAN LEE!!!!!!!

To finish, here are the TOP #6 photos i took which are like, the best in all

# 6 # 5

#4 This proves that black is beautiful. Even in flowers.

# 3 This could have been first, but i didn't get the focus on the stamens properly.

# 2 This was a hard choice between # 1

# 1 I like how the other flowers frame the middle (example of middle focus). But goes to show that people are important to help you stand out and be your best. Even in the crowd, we have our individual beauty.

A special mention to Natalie Kang's photo too, which reminds us about racial harmony.

And now, on to the Nara festival!

Holidays are here!!! and i just finished class. social psych, no less. Telling us how good and evil is just a flip of the coin, bla bla..

but lets forget that. After class me and Daryl went out for lunch to celebrate! Unfortunately Iori's was closed. Shogun was closed. In the end we went to supabarn, bought a whole chicken, and ate taht. Ahh.. its great to be male!

I spent the rest of the day playing Dawn of War and ping pong. AND dinner was chicken kiev! - leftovers from Spartos.

Now.

Plans for break.

1. Social Psych Essay - 2000 words
2. Criminal Psych Essay - 2000 words
3. Organizational Behavior Exam - 7 chapters
4. Finish Dawn of War =)
5. Do some blog upgrades
6. Get rested!!!
7. Floriade
8. Nara Festival
9. Tamy's coming
10. A few birthday's to celebrate.

There.

that doesn't look too hard. Holidays here i come!

             

Thats negative ONE more day to the hols. And what do i have the next day but a stupid mid sem exam. on serial killers no less. Plus i wasn't feeling that good that day.

But there was spartos (Sports and Arts Award). Which was good. no, ok only. the food also i can cook better...

   

Drool on.. we had chicken kiev. which was THE only time we had it this year. Another reason why i hate this place.

 

Notice i don't smile so much when i'm stressed. I wasn't feeling too good that night, cos i had an exam the next day. I excused myself early to go sleep, i mean, study.

The week before.

Nothing much really.. just went to the new Direct Factory Outlet in Fishwyk

My trophies

Total cost = $34. A little over RM 100.

I so rock.

Oh yeah, that, and studying for stupid psycho papers.

Bleh.

Stress. Stress. But we all can feel the holidays. Its coming.

One day I was in class, sitting up a bit higher than the midline, so if I fell asleep the lecturer wouldn’t catch me. Not that he does, anyway.
Yeah, so he was like “In the brain, the visual stream processing in V1 can generally be broken down to the dorsal (V5), and ventral (V4) path way".

What I heard was “…brain…break down…”
And I started thinking, in class, of a brain. That suddenly grew hands and legs. And started doing hip hop. And there was this music going Break, b-break, break it down!
And then everyone in class started dancing.

Which was weird.
So yeah, that’s what I get for skipping breakfast. The bacon god is punishing me.

Another thing, I blame THE BLOODY STUPID SEMESTER FORMATION for making us all edgy. Eugene’s blog is starting to go emo. I’m getting to be more moody, as seen in previous posts. Hazel’s new blog is BLACK, not pink! (no offense, Zel!) Daryl is starting to look like Shern Ren (again, no offense to both).
And everyone I talked to is feeling drained. Most of the time, anyway.
Please, please bring back a mid semester break that is actually in the MIDDLE.

Now.
On to the good stuff.


Recently Chiox came under fire because of how he umm worded his criticism on MSO and MASCA? And apparently someone didn’t like it.
Now for once I’m not involved, and I’m not going to open up that can of worms, but having had the same problem previously I can identify with him.

And then Shuey and Yeam commented about how blogs are personal, bla blabla, so we should have freedom to type, bla bla..

But then some people don’t like it, but not because we or they are wrong, but its because we have different stands on issues. Apparently in blogs heated comments often rear their heads, some constructive, some being a pain in the ass.

The question is, should blogs be a totally free-for-all thought recorder? And if so, how should people respond to that?

Now first I would like to draw your attention to some recent cases in Malaysia, where bloggers have been detained under the ISA for writing uh..damaging stuff about our ‘truly Asian’ country. ISA claims to be protecting the security and peace of our country which otherwise would go all May 13 (which, by the way, could NEVER happen again) and…doomsday. Or something like that. That’s their excuse? In the first place, I don’t believe in the reality of us, civilized people, being involved in the uprising of races (but we could be pushed to it, if said situation continues). C’mon, this is the same shock and fear tactics the Gestapo used under Hitler to oppose the Jewish people, following which they had to run and hide.

But I’m getting away from myself here.

The Malaysian arrests represent ONE end of the extremity, where people take (often unjust) action against bloggers who are purportedly utilizing their right to free speech under the “freedom of cyberspace” assumption.

On the other hand, we can see that too much free speech, like in America, gives way to weirdos. Like the Raelian sect who said we were cloned by aliens. Or gay protests against governments. Not that I have anything against gays, but can you imagine if we had a gay uprising in.. lets say… Seremban? Pak Lah would have a heart attack, and then Najib would take over and everyone would be given anti-gay brainwashing. Or something like that.

The thing is. Its often hard for us bloggers, to walk that fine line between our rights to free blogging, and the point where it is damaging to people. Maybe this sense of freedom is (falsly?) afforded to us because of deemed anonymity of cyberspace. Of course not everyone would like what we write. People like anonymous Insensitive Prick write back. We argue back and say that “it’s OUR blog, don’t like it? Go write your own!”

Shuey commented that she’d rather not blog if she knew certain people frequented her words.
Chiox (and me!) got in arguments because we criticized the outcomes of events.


But then

Wasn’t the purpose of us blogging in the first place to let people KNOW what we think?

Granted, there are different types of blogs and not all have the purpose of being an opinionated one.
Ours, that expresses our opinions, food blogs (which I frequent a lot), report blogs, photo blogs, personal blogs, a mixture of these, and so much more. Out of all these, it is our type (the diary/opinion/expression) blogs that have the most social impact among people we know, how it can change relationships, foster new ones. Which is why when we ever DO publish reputation damaging stories, most of the time we change or hide names of people involved.

But THAT’S NOT THE POINT.
I mean, I remember when I first started this blog, what I wanted was for people to READ it, read my thoughts on stuff, and somehow, at a much deeper level, agree with me.
I was looking for people to know how I felt and identify with me.
Shuey, i don't know about you, but i actually WANTED people to read my blog.
Do you remember your feelings and aspirations when you first blogged, that "Yes! My friends can know what i think about this now!" feeling?

Or else whats the point of blogging your thoughts at all? Sure, you can say it was for personal diary thoughts, personal feelings, which were meant for you and you only. But then, why let others know about it? Some people, go to lengths to protect their thoughts, allowing only people with passwords, telling only a select few, screening visitors, etc.

A friend of mine has an even better solution. He writes IN HIS COMPUTER. He doesn’t blog it, but he keeps an electronic diary. In this way he’s free to write whatever, whoever, and however.

But for US. Who keep public blogs. That potentially ANYONE with internet can view. What was our purpose? I remember it clearly.

TO HAVE A VOICE.

And not just that, but TO BE HEARD as well.

And so. Our kind of blogs. Were meant for us to connect with people. Which means that like it or not, people whom we disagree with can read it. For they too have the right to BLOG. They too can blog that “oh, today Jared made an idiot of himself when he started break dancing in class”, or “Jared can suck a cows balls (no offense to Indians) because he so pisses me off”

Yeam said it very nicely.

"at times..u feel that it's ur blog..u can write anything u want..but want it or not..there're still some personal stuffs that u can't pen..especially with the increase publicity of ur blog"

The answer? Yes, blogs are free for all, but inevitably we will, and are going to step on someone’s shoes with our writing. And of course they’ll respond, cos its their right too. And maybe because we wanted to connect with people in the first place we get so riled up that someone out there doesn’t agree with us. Maybe also because we think that our illusion of cyberspace anonymity and confidentiality is breached.

Solution? I propose that RESPECT and WISDOM can help. Alot.

Respect that when other’s blog it is their thoughts, and how they feel, and they have a right too.
Wisdom to know when to blog in increasingly public blogs about increasingly private matters. For goodness sake if you really want to connect with people on REALLY personal matters DON’T blog it! TALK to the select few people. Theres more connection anyway. And if you still can't resist that technological edge, start an electronic diary, email, msn, BUT not a blog.

Sigh.. we didn't have this problem back in the days of paper diaries and journals. =P


To end with a true story.
On the day the Torch came to Canberra, the whole place was RED. Chinese everywhere. I was walking back on the main bridge, when some local Aussies wearing pro-Tibetan tshirts and carrying this HUGE sign saying “FREE TIBET” ran across the bridge.

Yes, the bridge with more than 500 Chinese people on it. And they had only FOUR. Naturally some Chinese got angry, took the sign, and threw it over the bridge. A fight nearly broke out.
And can you believe this, one of the protesters involved took out a camera and started taking photos of the angry Chinese mob! Next moment, camera goes flying over the bridge too.

And he nearly got beaten up. Thank God the police showed up in time.

Much later on, he complained that carrying an anti-China sign was his right to free speech, and who were they (the Chinese) to do anything about it? Furthermore he said that taking photos was his right too, because he wanted to show his friends what Chinese people really are.
Please. For goodness sake. Use WISDOM! be wise! at least have some street smarts.

How do I know all this? I was 5 feet from the fight and nearly got dragged into it. Some Chinese people even gave me funny looks when I didn’t shout pro-China slogans with them.

Bloggers out there, please don’t end up like that guy. Yes we have rights, but then again, we have brains.

Moral: Respect and wisdom goes a long way.
Now. I have to sleep. Exam. Again, stupid timetable =(

P.s. I hope ISA can ignore that ONE paragraph about them.

Something to remind some people, and maybe myself.

Did you ever hear these words? ...anyone will taste humiliation once or twice...A person that never suffered from it doesn't exist. 

But the first class players...will quickly stand up. The average players will stand up after a little while. 

And the losers will keep lying on the ground.

No matter how much you're knocked down, theres still a fire burning in your eyes. You...aren't losers. 

Without doubts, you're first class players.

- Takaeru Yamato, Eyeshield 21

I notice that with the exception of some formal events, the amount of stubble on my chin is proportionate to how much stress i have.
To put it simply: I shave less when i'm more stressed.
Currently my face is taking on some 5 o' clock shadow-stye-ish type of beard. I haven't shaved in maybe 4 days.

Heck. It's even getting harder to shower.
But i still do.
Just so you know.

First things first.
I FOUND by rabbit bag!!!

Now. This morning, for the first time in maybe like a fortnight, i actually had a nice good proper breakfast.
Bacon, french toast, tomatoes, eggs.

Ok in reality it was more like almost burnt pieces of pork lard with the barest traces of flesh, eggs suspended in its own cooking fluids, and amazingly passable french toast. And apple juice.

So there i was, in my pj's eating breakfast. When this person decides to plunk his plate down in front of me. I presume it was to eat breakfast.

Now like any self-respecting student who spent the entire night studying, I was feeling rather zombie-ish but nevertheless still had the social adequacy to strike up a conversation.
And then i realised.

You know how it absolutely gets on your nerves when a person just stares at your food? Well, he was doing just that. I mean like, c'mon stare all you want, I don't give a damn, but at least have the courtesy to say something. And I don't even know you that well. His look was like all high and mighty, and i could swear he was actually looking disgusted.

His internal monologue: "Hah! Jared! Thats the most disgusting piece of sorry excuse for breakfast I've ever seen! If the taste doesn't kill you, the fat will! ooo I can just hear your arteries clogging. And let me tell you, it sounds like my sink....."

...and you get my drift.
Yes, i know
And i don't mind some handsome ape coming and telling me that my breakfast is not healthy, but please, you look like you're a star from Big Bang Theory. Glasses, nerd hair, omgoodness the hair! Its like living proof that ET's are among us. Because they must have cut it. Seriously it looks like this:


I was going to ask why me food looked so damn interesting but was afraid i'd burst out laughing.
Hah! take that!
Zombie Jared 1
Alien head 0

First and foremost, don’t read this blog if you’re easily offended by foul language or some such shit. Or you just might change your opinion of me. Expletives are abundant. And If you don’t know what expletives mean, then you don’t have the brains to be even reading this in the first place.

And if you’re still reading now, don’t blame ME for getting offended. Blame your own stupidity. You have been warned.

Around 4 am this morning, give or take a few minutes, I was the victim of a brutal assault on ANU campus grounds. Now I won’t bother with the details, only that I was coming back from one of the finer “establishments” of this city’s old wastes. My skull has a hairline fracture to it, my tongue got cut in two, I’ve had one of my testicles smashed, and I’m typing this fucking blog with only one hand because the other is in a cast. I was assaulted with baseball bats, run over by motorcycles, and had a tree branch stuffed up my anus. And then I passed out from fear or pain. At the moment I can’t feel my lower legs, probably due to lacerations I received to the lower spinal cord. Also, I’ll probably have to speak with this stupid voicebox thing on my throat for the next 3 months. Throughout the attack, which involved 3 large men and a hippo, all I could think of was getting home alive to do my Social Psych quiz which I’ve been putting off for 3 days. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

Now all that is a lie. But if I think of it a nice little assault, heck lets even have me set on fire, would be a better story to tell than this.

Alas there were no smashed testicles or assault, but yes there was the fucking quiz. Wait no. There IS the fucking quiz, which sits under my laptop at the current moment, waiting for the last hinges of desperation to get my brain starting.

Wait.

Now what’s with this suddenly evil entry I hear you ask? Let me ask you something in return. You think some handsome guy like me only thinks about all the happy things in the world like all my previous entries? Oh for goodness’ sake. Heart symbols that decorate the blog? Faith, hope and love? Cute soft toys? Please. That’s just ONE part of me, that I show to you. And if any of you out there think that Im superficial enough to actually have my personality as “I love people! I’m so happy with the world!” ALL THE TIME, then you’re just fooling yourself.

I wonder when I started blogging for the public rather than myself. I too, sometimes think the world would be better off without some fucking idiots. If not your world, then MINE. Because the only opinion that counts in this blog is MINE.

Yes, I am still the same person who prioritizes God, Food, Family, Friends, above ALL else, but I also am like YOU, who have deep things that you do not say in public, who thinks some people you talk to are assholes, who have the same anger, prejudiced, lusts, hates, and all other sins.

Yes, hate me for it. Say “but we’re not like that!”, and go live your happy rabbit-filled lives in denial, or ignorance.

But I’m not like that. I KNOW I have this Darth Vader-esque dark side. And I know you have too. But the difference is I’m NOT AFRAID OF IT. I don’t ignore it. I deal with it.

But of course, it’s not socially acceptable. SUCK IT UP.

Did you know? Smiles make friends.

But they’re also cheap. And so easy to mask any rotten thoughts I’m thinking.

Don’t take me at face value. You'd just be as shallow as everyone else. Know me for my sins, my flaws, my evil side, as well as the good. And THEN if you’re still there, you’re real. And I’d sacrifice my eye for you. Anytime. Well, twice. Because I only have two.

When I went to sleep today, I had one simple plan. Wake up for hash browns, bacon, and some nice tomatoes. Because it’s just the best way to start. Then go to class fresh and bright.

And at 5 AM in the fucking morning some IDIOT comes banging on my door, waking me from precious sleep, wondering what the hell is going on. Moral is: DON’T ever wake me at 5 am in the fucking morning. I’ll be all “oh its OOKKKK” and fine and all, but deep down I’m making a voodoo doll of you and biting your eyes off.

And guess what? It turned out that Hector and the Booty Inspectors was doing the video part for the music video thing at a carpark opposite Pauline Griffith building at 5 AM in the morning! In the first place. Who the HELL calls their band such fucked up names? Sure it grows on you and shit, but certainly not when you’ve just woken me up to record early in the other side of night...

And heres the reason I hate myself, but my friends love me.

After 20 minutes of God awful banging, it stopped. And I went back to bed. I already switched off my phone and unplugged the room phone. But then my conscience decided to wake up.

“Wake up and GO for the video! It’s your part in the band!”

“I’m sleeping shaddup!”

You HAVE to GO! You already said you’d DO the video!”

“Fuck you I’m not moving. I already turned off the phone, have a perfect excuse and I haven’t slept like this in 2 weeks!”

At this point my conscience starts bitch slapping me around saying “You know this is the LAST time you’ll all be together…Maddy’s going to Rome next year? Where’s your sense of friendship? Don’t ruin this for them”

Oh fuck. It hit my soft spot like a boxer going for a low blow

And at 5.20 I was in the courtyard, wearing my super awesome Timberland jumper, and long pajama pants! Everything was cold. If hell was cold then I was standing at its gates. And i was standing there like the biggest idiot in the world, freezing my tits off.

“Jared! You made it!”

Smiles. “It was nothing”

I lugged the stupid piece of crap drum set to the car, the cold steel burning my fingerprints off. I vowed never to wear crocs without socks in the morning. In the car Bicep told me the weather was -1 outside. I believed him. I could see my goddamned breath IN THE CAR.

The car park was deserted. Naturally. I mean, only someone high on weed would be there. Or us. 

By then i was dreaming of white hot chocolate and making voodoo dolls in my head.

One thing good though, sunrise was nice. Wish I’d brought my camera. But then, I was only wearing pajamas for goodness sake.

After 2 and a half hours we finished. Just in time for breakfast. But by then my sleeping clocked had already been screwed up. And I overslept.

Past breakfast.

Past lunch.

Until 3pm.

Class time. Fuck.

After class I ate cold hard cereal in my room, cursing the day Ursula thought of scheduled mealtimes.

Next: I looked for my super cool black rabbit bag to do my quiz. AND ITS NOT THERE

Fuck! Where the hell is it? My stuff are in there! Its not in my room, not in the hall, not in the common room…

And that’s why I’m in such a foul mood. I lost one of my precious accessories. I swear I’ll find it, or at least try to find it.

And God help those who took it. Enemies forever.

Oh yes. My quiz. Its still.

There.

It is with great heaviness that I finally release all my responsibilities as a member of the Malaysian Students Organisation.