A new direction.
First and foremost, don’t read this blog if you’re easily offended by foul language or some such shit. Or you just might change your opinion of me. Expletives are abundant. And If you don’t know what expletives mean, then you don’t have the brains to be even reading this in the first place.
And if you’re still reading now, don’t blame ME for getting offended. Blame your own stupidity. You have been warned.
Around 4 am this morning, give or take a few minutes, I was the victim of a brutal assault on ANU campus grounds. Now I won’t bother with the details, only that I was coming back from one of the finer “establishments” of this city’s old wastes. My skull has a hairline fracture to it, my tongue got cut in two, I’ve had one of my testicles smashed, and I’m typing this fucking blog with only one hand because the other is in a cast. I was assaulted with baseball bats, run over by motorcycles, and had a tree branch stuffed up my anus. And then I passed out from fear or pain. At the moment I can’t feel my lower legs, probably due to lacerations I received to the lower spinal cord. Also, I’ll probably have to speak with this stupid voicebox thing on my throat for the next 3 months. Throughout the attack, which involved 3 large men and a hippo, all I could think of was getting home alive to do my Social Psych quiz which I’ve been putting off for 3 days. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Now all that is a lie. But if I think of it a nice little assault, heck lets even have me set on fire, would be a better story to tell than this.
Alas there were no smashed testicles or assault, but yes there was the fucking quiz. Wait no. There IS the fucking quiz, which sits under my laptop at the current moment, waiting for the last hinges of desperation to get my brain starting.
Wait.
Now what’s with this suddenly evil entry I hear you ask? Let me ask you something in return. You think some handsome guy like me only thinks about all the happy things in the world like all my previous entries? Oh for goodness’ sake. Heart symbols that decorate the blog? Faith, hope and love? Cute soft toys? Please. That’s just ONE part of me, that I show to you. And if any of you out there think that Im superficial enough to actually have my personality as “I love people! I’m so happy with the world!” ALL THE TIME, then you’re just fooling yourself.
I wonder when I started blogging for the public rather than myself. I too, sometimes think the world would be better off without some fucking idiots. If not your world, then MINE. Because the only opinion that counts in this blog is MINE.
Yes, I am still the same person who prioritizes God, Food, Family, Friends, above ALL else, but I also am like YOU, who have deep things that you do not say in public, who thinks some people you talk to are assholes, who have the same anger, prejudiced, lusts, hates, and all other sins.
Yes, hate me for it. Say “but we’re not like that!”, and go live your happy rabbit-filled lives in denial, or ignorance.
But I’m not like that. I KNOW I have this Darth Vader-esque dark side. And I know you have too. But the difference is I’m NOT AFRAID OF IT. I don’t ignore it. I deal with it.
But of course, it’s not socially acceptable. SUCK IT UP.
Did you know? Smiles make friends.
But they’re also cheap. And so easy to mask any rotten thoughts I’m thinking.
Don’t take me at face value. You'd just be as shallow as everyone else. Know me for my sins, my flaws, my evil side, as well as the good. And THEN if you’re still there, you’re real. And I’d sacrifice my eye for you. Anytime. Well, twice. Because I only have two.
When I went to sleep today, I had one simple plan. Wake up for hash browns, bacon, and some nice tomatoes. Because it’s just the best way to start. Then go to class fresh and bright.
And at 5 AM in the fucking morning some IDIOT comes banging on my door, waking me from precious sleep, wondering what the hell is going on. Moral is: DON’T ever wake me at 5 am in the fucking morning. I’ll be all “oh its OOKKKK” and fine and all, but deep down I’m making a voodoo doll of you and biting your eyes off.
And guess what? It turned out that Hector and the Booty Inspectors was doing the video part for the music video thing at a carpark opposite Pauline Griffith building at 5 AM in the morning! In the first place. Who the HELL calls their band such fucked up names? Sure it grows on you and shit, but certainly not when you’ve just woken me up to record early in the other side of night...
And heres the reason I hate myself, but my friends love me.
After 20 minutes of God awful banging, it stopped. And I went back to bed. I already switched off my phone and unplugged the room phone. But then my conscience decided to wake up.
“Wake up and GO for the video! It’s your part in the band!”
“I’m sleeping shaddup!”
You HAVE to GO! You already said you’d DO the video!”
“Fuck you I’m not moving. I already turned off the phone, have a perfect excuse and I haven’t slept like this in 2 weeks!”
At this point my conscience starts bitch slapping me around saying “You know this is the LAST time you’ll all be together…Maddy’s going to Rome next year? Where’s your sense of friendship? Don’t ruin this for them”
Oh fuck. It hit my soft spot like a boxer going for a low blow
And at 5.20 I was in the courtyard, wearing my super awesome Timberland jumper, and long pajama pants! Everything was cold. If hell was cold then I was standing at its gates. And i was standing there like the biggest idiot in the world, freezing my tits off.
“Jared! You made it!”
Smiles. “It was nothing”
I lugged the stupid piece of crap drum set to the car, the cold steel burning my fingerprints off. I vowed never to wear crocs without socks in the morning. In the car Bicep told me the weather was -1 outside. I believed him. I could see my goddamned breath IN THE CAR.
The car park was deserted. Naturally. I mean, only someone high on weed would be there. Or us.
By then i was dreaming of white hot chocolate and making voodoo dolls in my head.
One thing good though, sunrise was nice. Wish I’d brought my camera. But then, I was only wearing pajamas for goodness sake.
After 2 and a half hours we finished. Just in time for breakfast. But by then my sleeping clocked had already been screwed up. And I overslept.
Past breakfast.
Past lunch.
Until 3pm.
Class time. Fuck.
After class I ate cold hard cereal in my room, cursing the day Ursula thought of scheduled mealtimes.
Next: I looked for my super cool black rabbit bag to do my quiz. AND ITS NOT THERE
Fuck! Where the hell is it? My stuff are in there! Its not in my room, not in the hall, not in the common room…
And that’s why I’m in such a foul mood. I lost one of my precious accessories. I swear I’ll find it, or at least try to find it.
And God help those who took it. Enemies forever.
Oh yes. My quiz. Its still.
There.
