Thursday, October 29, 2009

So much to miss, So little to regret.

Study study exam times are near! It's scary.. and also sad, at the same time. Why? Because this will be my last undergraduate exam! I already attended the last lecture today by Paul Kirwan - brilliant guy - and its a wake up call.

Or more like a reminder. Oh here I go getting nostalgic and sentimental.

In a few weeks university will be over. My half the friends I keep in touch with will be gone. Half will work, go home, join the rat world. I'll still be...here.

Doing my fourth year.

It's like the whole world moves on, but not me.

Damn it I have to get a job. Need to.
So many things to worry about.
 
posted by Jared Wong at 8:58 PM, | 3 comments
Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I'll believe it now

Don't want to stop or start
The way straight down
Even in the darkest fear I'll know
My fascination with the chains
That redeem us

In the presence of love
The only thing that's real
Is the warmth of you, and I'll never leave

How long would you wait?
I'll wait a second more
A minute even, for that
Makes memories last
For all eternity

In the presence of love
Where we are, who to be
Always together, never to cease

I realize where I am
Almost, like walking on air
When I turn blind
It's all I have, will you let me go?

For you will always be
In the presence
In the presence of love.
 
posted by Jared Wong at 6:30 PM, | 0 comments
Monday, October 19, 2009

Best!

Gotta hand it to the Japanese. Their cuisine absolutely reaches for perfection.
Today I tried my hand at Japanese beef nabe. Why beef nabe? Because I had leftover beef cut into 1 inch cubes and some miso paste from a friend. And some soba noodles.
The result:
The green tea is an added bonus.
Damn surprised! It tasted so good even though it was surprisingly simple (about 20 mins) to make! And it wasnt even quality beef or veggies. And theres that clean fresh healthy taste characteristic taste of Japanese food, not too overpowering, subtle, but invites you to taste it a little longer. What a pleasant surprise for dinner =)

Favourite cuisine ever in order:
1. Japanese - simplicity and perfection. Japan food proves that you don't have to be complex or use funky flavours to be great. Plus, its healthy! The top chefs are all about skill first, flavour second.

2. French - They're the food greats of the world, constantly on the forefront of great creations and tastes. A rich mix of European, Asian, and Mediterranean. They're the best at what they do - Creating.

3. Spanish - Hola! Their food has richness and uniqueness I like. I can't really explain it, but maybe its the heart of the people? And the seafood helps too.

4. Malaysian - Malaysia boleh!

Almost made the list - Hong Kong dim sum. Not the Malaysian type, the authentic, diverse HK style.


 
posted by Jared Wong at 6:29 PM, | 0 comments

On dreams

Monday 4.33pm, 19.10.09

When I was choosing my university degree, I had some options open to me. None of which I wanted. Parents, always being parents wanted the "four corners" for me - Doctor, Pharmacist, Lawyer, Business". And if I wanted something else its always "Do something commercially viable, that will help you get a job," etc.

I suppose there is SOME bit of wisdom in that, so I was surprised when they agreed to psychologist, after exhausting my degree wish list (at that time) of media, chef, music, acting, programming...

So now I'm a psychologist, in training, waiting for the day I can financially support myself and go follow my dreams.

I have a dream...

1. Once I am earning a reasonable income, able to support myself, and live by my own cash I absolutely will, and must go learn how to cook.
My dream. Is to become a chef. The creation of culinary greats that bring universal joy to people. That combines the impossible with the heart, creating things never tasted before.

Oh it would be my ultimate goal to own a loved eating place. Where people anywhere would come and enjoy. I already have some of the sketch of this incredulous plan sketched out. After getting my masters, or working and being able to have a side hobby (probably around my mid-30's or 40's) I would go join a culinary school, one of the greats. And then start my way from the bottom again, interning in restaurants, gaining experience. And then when i'm around 50 I would have enough experience to start my own place.

Of course these things never work out the way I want them to. But that's why its called a dream. Impossible? Maybe. But as long as there's a 1% possibility, I won't give up.

2. Today, after my own personal miracle (see previous blog) I celebrated by downloading Freddy Rodriguez's Light in the Darkness (2009), one of the albums in the line of universally themed inspired worship.

That's right. Universal worship.
It's my experience that some christians insist there is a "right" way to worship. Theres nothing wrong with living your whole life with one worship style, or praise format. But don't get judgmental about people who do it differently.
Back home I as a drummer in church I grew up with some inflences of certain "styles" namley the Chinese style, the old retro style, and Hillsong started encroaching the scene around 1999. In fact i remember listening to all the cd's of christian music from the Australian continent which resulted in my worship leader commenting "wah your drumming style too western stylela! Can make it more chinese style?"

For me to go into the technicalities of different drumming styles would take forever, but it stuck on me. Coming to Australia caused me to be saturated with the Hillsong style. Now, this isn't a bad thing.

But we need to know that the same elements that make praise and worship great - truthful surrender - can be found on other continents, but in different forms. Listening to real gospel, with all the choirs and heavy R&B tones might seem unchristian at first. But listen to the people behind it. The words are the same. It's just the different way they sing it. Listen to latin-influenced praise. God dwells in the praises of His people.

Which is why. My dream one day. Is to bring people together everywhere with my drumming. I know. When i first started I had this self fulfilling goal of "mastering every style in the world". Now the words might be the same, but the reason is different. It's for His glory. I dream, that one day my drums would unite people from all backgrounds to the glory of His name.

I checked. An electronic drum set (I live with thin walls and sensitive neighbours) costs about $1000. And my church still doesn't have any openings for drummers.
But if the incidences of the past days are anything to live by, it's to trust God. I mean, He already gave me a guitar! I will nurture this seed. And pray that when the day comes for me to play, it'll be with His strength, and for His glory.
 
posted by Jared Wong at 12:45 PM, | 2 comments

I still prefer winter

Monday, 3.44pm, 19.10.09

Referring to the weather, today was supposed to have a range from 4-21c. Insane isn't it? It kind of makes going out a bit hard trying to decide to wear heavy or light. Anyway.

Epiphany. Up till a few years ago I wondered what the word meant. I thought it was some sort of special choir or wind instrument. So when people say (which isn't too often) "I just had an epiphany!" I would think "But you're not musically inclined..."

But this post isn't about an epiphany. Than was just a passing thought.
First things first. Glory to God in the highest. When I walked in to the Sub Dean's office I was already envisioning the worst. Actually by the 2nd day of dreadful waiting I already came up with a million scenarios on what could happen, the worst was me having to do sexual favours on an old man in order to graduate.

So when I walked in. This nice old lady told me, "It's ok, you'll graduate end of this year. You have nothing to worry about"
She assured me it would all be taken care of.

Thank God!!! All those prayers He heard. OMgoodness i can't believe it! All my worrying. So have I learnt to trust God completely in all that I do? Err well.. no. I still sometimes want to have complete control over my life. But. I guess step by step He guides me. And I grow little by little. This process takes a long time (how God puts up with me I wonder) but I'm grateful. At least for now. I've learned. To let go more. =)
 
posted by Jared Wong at 12:31 PM, | 0 comments
Friday, October 16, 2009

So much uncertainty.

Friday 16/10/09 11.53am.

Argh!! Its frustrating. Everytime I draw closer to God and grow in His ways always some new challenge pops up.
And I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to rely on anyone. For anything. So for me to learn to trust Him for the best is sort of like me training a cat. Lots of scratches and bribes and disobedience. Which is why I so hate it when I have to learn to be patience, trust, and blabla.

For example. Just when I think I reach new breakthroughs in my spiritual walk, something comes along that makes me question everything! I just found out today, that I am NOT eligible to graduate!! It seems I have taken one too many courses more than the requirements. TOO MANY?!?! what kind of crap is that? So I have to wait till Monday where I will meet with the SubDean and try to work something out. My future is on the line!!!

But. I know His ways are not mine, and God knows the best things for me. When I look back i think if this were to happen to the old me i'd probably be having a mental breakdown by now. But these all these problems happen in God's time, same as the good stuff. I guess this are situations where I can learn to grow spiritually. Sigh. Praying for it.
Hope everything works out. 3 freaking days of worry!!!
 
posted by Jared Wong at 8:43 AM, | 0 comments
Monday, October 05, 2009

On friendship

So far i have about 500+ friends on Facebook. I can hear those hardcore people in the thousands scoffing at my oh so small number of people i hardly know. But I must confess. I’m trimming the numbers of friends I have. Mr Ho who’s a friend of a friend’s uncle? Delete. Maggie from primary school whom I’ve absolutely no interest in? Gone. And about tons more people. Click, gone, un – friends.

And Friendster ah who remembers that old relic of a network, back in the days where Windows Live was MSN and everyone remembered their ICQ number?. 200+ friends, all somebody of a someone from my past.

Close friends? I have none. None from my school days, college days, church, university, any circles I’m in. Probably a hangover from the political climates of primary school, where I mixed about in almost every circle and clique. With my limited Chinese back then, some Indian (now lost) and starter Malay I skirted about the outskirts with the Chinese, hanged around the Malays, and swore like a lorry driver with the Indians. All the time never getting in deep, the only connection between any of the groups being, well, me. I guess I could credit my charisma to this time when I had to be likable to everyone.

Growing up that way had its ups and downs. Sure, I could mix about freely among almost anybody I knew without the playground political repercussions. But the highest pinnacle of trust, the secrets, I was locked out. People don’t trust an outsider, no matter how inside they are. Even until now I know. I am liked, but never trusted. And I don’t trust in return. Looking out for myself has always been best, because ultimately people fail me. Always do.

At some point living this way stopped being the option available but at the very core there is still some necessity in it. For me anyways. College brought about the dreams, the hopes that people were more humane and looked beyond the labels. But it’s only human to judge by appearances. I don’t blame anyone. So I said “Don’t get hurt and don’t hurt”. Being a free radical gives me this amazing perspective of situations. I've learnt so many things. Tolerance, compassion, humility, patience, among others. Of course the price is always there. Friends from there see me as part of the other group, and friends here think I'm with the others. I’m with no one and everyone at the same time.

Sometimes I’d wish I could just fuck the foresight I have and retreat into the cliched-ness this group or the other. You know, “We’re so much better than them, and anyone of them is ‘labelled’”. Ah yes. Labelling people simplifies things so much doesn’t it? The total assumption of her is based on that core personality blabla bla.

But I could never label you, or you. or that group. Maybe born out of all the different perspectives in myself I never treat gossip seriously. I don’t listen to you when you say that group is a bastard. I don’t even condemn you when you label me with them, or me as whatever.

Of course there are people I don’t like but I would never simplify you.

Yes it gets lonely being on the outside, wondering, “what's it like being in?”. Is it worth not getting hurt? One day I’ll find someone. Confidante, lover, friend, secret-keeper. Who doesn’t judge me for who I hang out with, but sees the water under the act. Until then i remain jack of all trades, but master of none.

 
posted by Jared Wong at 2:04 AM, | 1 comments
Friday, October 02, 2009

Changes

Emoing away my time. Zhong just left the room. that should explain it. Ok I'll admit it. when i first started blogging I had super grand designs. "It'll be fine, sophisticated reading for everyone!" I'd think, "Future generations will build monuments to my significant contribution (my thoughts) to mankind!"

Or so it went. Looks like what goes on in my head is hard to put in words. Or it just doesn't have the proper eloquence? So many things, grand designs I had, but all lost in the process of putting it down to paper. When i was young I learned from Calvin and Hobbes that we think a thought every 10 seconds. Pftt... psychology now tells me its one every microsecond. Imagine that world.

Ah changes. why do i crave the changes? Perhaps its the idea that with every little change maybe some will change for the better, new opportunities, I'd say. But then I'd find out that things never get inherently better, or worse. A new friend, old friends. New enemies, new relationships. The changing seasons reflected on by my mustard plants growing indoors. Yes, those are still there.

And of course, so many firsts. Like the first time i fell in love again, for the 267th time. Love is always a first. The first time i found out theres a storage time for oyster sauce in the kitchen. The first time I watched a musical. And the first time i felt that feeling in that situation, in that place, in that time, with those people.

Ah people. I would rather be a poor man surrounded by friends than a rich man with cows.
Somebody once said (I think it was Jesus) "Man shall not live by bread alone"

Totally agree with that. " Man shall live by bread WITH OTHER PEOPLE"

I miss the people from my life. at about a thousand thoughts a minute.

Its kinda nice when I know no one comes to read this stuff anymore, it gives me the freedom to think.
And yes, I'm back.
 
posted by Jared Wong at 11:00 PM, | 0 comments